| yae. |
[Jun. 20th, 2009|08:19 pm] |
Got prescription. Too scarred to even fill it, it's hardcore stuff that freaks me out.
Had to leave work today, totally panicking for no real reason.
Really messed up and trying to make sense of it. Next round of doctors Monday.
Poop. |
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| meds |
[Jun. 9th, 2009|09:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  uncomfortable | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Placebo- Meds | ] |
:P so Yeah.... again, just venting, since that is what I do.
Like I've said, and is well known, I'm bi-polar. Normally I am aware of when I'm manic or depressed, and can kind of get myself through. Kind of like when girls know they are p.m.s.ing, so they understand that they are being unreasonable. I've been down for a while, with maybe a few little upper days, but mostly poo, and for no real good reason. The crazy self esteem and ego that I normally have is gone too. And I am doing nothing but racking my brain trying to figure this shit out. Normally, the ups and downs are triggered by something, and either I can fix the trigger, or recognizing it helps ease the swings. But I have no effin clue. So I am trying all these stupid things to try and get some self esteem back, but with no success. The art show, I literally had people humping my leg because they thought I was awesome- nothing. I tried stupid girlie things like getting my nails done and getting treats for a small pick me up- nothing. Picked smoking back up to calm my nerves- nothing. All the little things I enjoy just mean nothing right now.
So I signed myself away to Gateway, the local nut shop. And next week the cycle of evaluations, therapy and medications will begin again, if I don't dig an emo hole for me to crawl into in the backyard by then. yae. |
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| oh yeah... |
[Apr. 23rd, 2009|06:11 pm] |
I knew I forgot something. So mother's day is coming up, and I already know I will be working. I don't expect anybody to do anything for me, so fuck it, I'm doing something nice for me. SHOES lol ;)
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| random blurty update thingie I do... |
[Apr. 23rd, 2009|02:34 pm] |
This is just how my brain works.
Sent home from work today, spontaneous vomiting not good. I don't feel sick to my stomach. It's just every few hours my body decides to bless me with vomit.
Need mega dental work. Not nearly as bad as I was originally thinking, but still. I don't have a few hundred just laying around and nobody really has a 'pay as you go' plan.
Dental stuff- My face feels like death. Like stabby stabby death.
I am hungry and crave grilled cheeze and fried apples. Lord no, I am randomly vomiting and craving food.... nooooo..... (This is a physical impossibility which makes it so frightening)
Rise Against and Rancid are touring. Yae House of Blues in July!
Going to Tampa next weekend, just for a quick moment. Then I'll be back for a long weekend at the end of May.
Art Show! Ybor! May 30th! Same she-bang as last year.
Possibly a new website as I don't really have any way to update the old one, or I may just stick with the myspace, not sure what would be the most productive.
New room mate has toned down on the irritation factor. However I am really hoping that when her six month lease is over, that we can move on without her, as she really doesn't seem to create anything beneficial.
Steve has begun the whole net season, so that's that. He is in business mode, sewing and ordering and playing with lead and I dunno, whatever else comes with seine nets. I just make him tea. |
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| put this in your pipe... |
[Apr. 20th, 2009|01:13 pm] |
Yes yes, today is 4/20. Whoop dee shit... Maybe this makes me old, but I find pot more and more irritating, as well as the whole pot smoking sub culture. I was there, I did it, but that was 10 years ago. Sadly, most of the kids I did it with are STILL living off their parents in apartments plasters with bad furniture and Bob Marley posters, listening to Sublime and 311, looking for pot everyday, eating funyons and watching the same movies we did back then. Yeah, the Big Lebowsky and Up In Smoke aren't funny anymore.
If someone wants to do drugs, fine, go ahead. But being almost 30 and no different from the day you were 15, well then, grow the fuck up.
Today is also Hitler's birthday. So go team Neo Nazi's and stupud high schoolers trying to be all "oOoOo... I'm evil and celebrating a bad guys birthday look at me oops I slit my wrist in biology". Go team you. I personally would like to make today into "I'm a stupid fuckhead day". And free cake for the white supremacists and the stoners with the munchies.
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| we're in the army now.... |
[Apr. 12th, 2009|09:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
Disclaimer
Ok, so no one is really on here anymore since the creation of Facebook and Myspace, so I mainly come on here to vent, I am not really always this pissy or moody.
So I get an e-mail from Mark, saying he will be in Florida on the 28th and wants to pick up Darcy and take her back for a few days. Ummmmm... NNOOOOO......
1st off, Being her dad or not, I am not super-cool with anyone coming to pick up my daughter and take her to another state without me. Being as the last two times I have left Darcy with anyone for an extended time, it has always led to some sort of drama.
2end, Mark left months ago. Since then, he has had NO contact with Darcy. No letters, emails, phone calls, nothing. The last two Christmases, no presents. Last birthday, nothing. No child support for almost 2 years, even while he was working he evaded filing and while collecting unemployment from the state, neglected to inform them. And while he was around, he never really spent time with her as he didn't have a home (crashing on your friends futons for over a year isn't the best place for a kid)I think there is a term, a word for this, oh yeah, dead beat. Fucking dead beat. You've had nothing to do with her for quite some time and now you want to pick her up and drive her 5 hours away while you drink at your friends house and she sleeps on the floor? I don't fucking think so.
Last, my final pet peeve. I am sick to death of hearing the excuse 'he's in the army, he's fighting for your freedom blah blah blah'. My sister's husband is in the service as well, both are in Iraq. He talks to his kids every night online, does webcam, calls home twice a week (they are given 2 free phone calls a week), sent letters, packages, everything. I understand he's on the other side of the globe and can't pick up a phone anytime he wants. But if my sister's husband can do that much, he could do SOMETHING. I am sick of the army being a get out of jail free card for him.
Just needed to get that out. |
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| for your amuzment |
[Apr. 4th, 2009|10:42 pm] |
First, I went in for the boob thing, got checked out and all that noise. I got a rash the night before, maybe from a bug bite, who knows. So I told the doc she might want to put gloves on or something. She took a look... "That looks like a hickey. Do you know what a hickey is?" SEROIUSLY?!? I am not a doctor, but I think I can tell the difference between an itchy skin rash and my boyfriend sucking on my boob.
Second. I went to a 'Secrets' party with a few of my co-workers. It's basically a tupperwear party, but with dildos and such. It's was interesting. Just. Interesting. The host was talking about different products, and one was booty cream. No one got the hint. "backdoor action?" Still no response from the rest of the group. "anal sex?" Aaaaand the crowd goes wild. My co-workers are all flinching and making sicky faces and saying 'gross gross gross!". Then... "wait, Kat didn't flinch or nuttin'! Kat must have booty sex! Ew! Kat does it in the booty!" and so one like a bunch of kids. I'm sorry that seeing a bottle of lube in front of me doesn't cause me to flinch. Then, at my next shift after the party, I see they have put my name on the schedule now as -booty kat-, and have been called that ever since.
Third, I have finally started to grow out of my gothy/alternative/whatever phase. The last two months have consisted of me shopping at goodwill and trying not to but all black 'going to ybor' clothes. This is most difficult and retarded thing I have ever done and so incredibly weird. I own a pink shirt and have been shopping at Old Navy. I'm scared too....
And on a lighter, completely non-sexual or health related note. We have a solarium in the house that we have been working on the last few months. Tearing down the walls, sheet-rocking, sanding, painting, yada yada. Today, Steve picked up the 'breakfast nook'. That's right, two vinyl restaurant booths from a pizza shop that closed down a few months ago. 40 bucks a pop. Fucking sweeeeeet. (Sorry the pic is small, I'll but better pics up of the room and all once we get them in, they are still sitting in Steve's truck)
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| shit fest 2009! coming to live from B-wick! |
[Mar. 28th, 2009|07:05 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Major Tom howling at something or other | ] |
Wow.... just shitty mc shit shit....
4 weeks ago- ER trip for a staph infection on my leg. Got meds, but no doctor here would see me for a follow up. Seems like everything is healed, but still, wtf?
One week ago- ER trip for migraine. (I get them all the time) Three hours of screaming, crying, vomiting hell. Got pain killers and anti-biotics. (They think it's a tooth thing)
38 hours later- Back to the ER, they prescribed me a generic amoxocillin. I am allergic to amoxocillin. So not being able to breathe was fun for a few hours.
Shitty hours at work + waking up at 5 in the morning + crappy co-workers = brain injuries
New room mate. She's super cool, little goth geek girl... however has been UP MY ASS since she got here doing the stereotype 'I wanna be your bff lets go shopping and talk about make up and boys and read cosmo and do our nails and bitch over coffee' routine. Nothing wrong with all that noise, or with her, it's just DAMN annoying...
Bank account got hacked. Goodbye Money. Hello -795 dollar balance....
Denied of medicaid (not eligible for my wicked expensive insurance at work for another 4 months) so the ONLY doctor here who will take patients on a sliding scale made me an appointment as soon as they could. In June. Yeah, the doctor I have been seeing is telling me I pretty much NEED to have a full hysterectomy, but nah, it's not that important or anything.
I got the infamous "lump". Different doctor next week for boob smooshing. It's too early to really be freaking out, but given my medical history and the fact that my aunt just got through her cancer, it does making sleeping at night a bit more difficult.
The cat (one of the now five in the house) pooped in my laundry a few days ago. Just found it.
Darcy has been on a two week 'testing my boundaries' kick since the new room mate moved in. I could kill her. Good lord, I could kill her.
Mark sent me an e-mail today saying that he is coming back next month to see Darcy. Great. He hasn't spoken a word, not an email, letter, phone call, nothing since he left. Darcy has even told me that she knowws her dad isn't coming back and has asked Steve if HE could be her new daddy. So the fact that I have to deal with him, and come back to the weeks of her waking up screaming and crying all over again just makes me sick.
So yeah, all in all I'm just super stressed and drained from the last few weeks. Things could be worse, they always could be worse. The bills are paid, there's food in the house, the cars (Steve got a truck- yae my own car!) are fine, everybody else is in good health, we all have jobs, Steve is super awesome about being sympathetic and trying to cheer me up.
Right now, I just really want a 'me' day. No work, no mommy duties, no house duties, just some ice cream, some quiet and a whole lot of uninterrupted sleep. Blah. |
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| reposted from ye old myspace |
[Feb. 26th, 2009|08:10 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | blah | ] |
Oh yeah... so to not go into graphic details about my medical hullabaloo, this is the most recent x-ray of my reproductive system. In case you were ever wondering about what it looks like when you get into my pants.
as far as updates, still waiting for insurance denial/approval letter, which will base where I am getting actual treatment/surgery. Go team ovary! |
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| happy happy joy joy |
[Feb. 25th, 2009|08:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  excited | ] |
... reasons for Kat to be excited...
1.New roommate coming this weekend. Steve and I have been ripping our hair out to try and find a roommate/make the bills work without one, so it's a blessing. Plus she's a super-cool, nerdy artsy girl with three boxes of comics and such in the coffee shop room at the moment.
2. Going back to Clearwater this weekend! It's going to be really low key, very chill. But still, I miss Liz and urban sprawl.
3. Steve ordered me some girl scout cookies. He's the bestestes.
4. I'm starting to adjust to the estrogen. Granted I'm having hot flashes like hell and have become horribly moody, I'm not in pain as much. However I'm sure the mister is not as happy with these changes, possible the motive behind the girl scout cookies....
5. Gorgeous Tiny Chicken Machine Show
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| bleah... yet again |
[Feb. 20th, 2009|06:10 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | blah | ] |
Gawd... another day in the life of a guinea pig...
SOooo I got shots the other day, and since then, migraines and constant "I'm gonna puke on your shoe"-ness. Oh, yeah, and I might mention that it is embarrassing as a full grown lady to have to get shots in your butt. In case you haven't done it, no need to. I'm getting hormone therapy right now, so I'm assuming that's what making me so sick. (No, I'm not becoming a man or anything, doc's just say I need more girlie-ness in me)
That's about it... super sick, and working while super sick, and being hungry and stuff... blah... |
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| love and marriage |
[Feb. 6th, 2009|06:39 pm] |
So I was talking to a friend on the phone. We talk about once or twice a month and we haven't seen each other in a few years. He asked about me and Steve and asked about our plans for the future, more directly, asking about us getting married. I told him we had made plans for the future but no, the 'm' word wasn't in there. "Well how do you know if you are serious if that hasn't come up yet?". It makes me wonder, since this isn't the first time I have been asking about that subject. My fam has asked me a million and one times if and when Steve and I were going to tie the knot.
Why marriage? Why do people believe that a relationship is not truly valid or 'serious' unless vows are involved. Why does it seem like so many people are in such a rush... We just met and we are in love and now we're making babies and we're married... now what do we do? It's like everyone is in a mad dash to get to the finish line without even thinking about what you're going to do when you get there.
Betty Friedan wrote the Feminine Mystique during the late 50's and early 60's about, as she put it, "The Problem that has No Name", basically talking about all these women who had gone to college for the soul purpose of finding a husband, getting married and popping out babies. A large percentage of the women she spoke to were simply miserable with a shared mindset of "what now?". It's a book that was tied to the feminist movement, and as much as I hate the modern feminists, I still think it's a book everyone should take the time to read.
I guess it just stuns me that here we are 50 years later, and it seems like this institution has been burned into our heads so strongly although we have all witnessed the consequences of rushing into these things. Is it our nature to so desperately secure ourselves to someone else that we feel our self worth is dependent on our marital status?
To sum up my answer... I am happy and incredibly, retardedly in love. I still get butterflies in my stomach every time he kisses me. And I don't feel as if I need to prove to anybody how I feel about him, and certainly not by having a rock on my hand ;) |
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| yippie! Bloggins! |
[Jan. 27th, 2009|06:30 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  giddy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | RIse Against- The Dirt Whispered | ] |
Another fun week in Georgia land... Well first things first, we got a roomate, and he sucks. Homeboy hasn't even been here for two weeks and Steve and I have already decided to cut him loose. He has this habit of just STARING at me and Steve in this creepy, I'm waiting for you two to start making out so I can buff my muff, kind of way. He also said that he can hear me and Steve at night in our room. Now this house may not be sound proof, but his room is at the end of the hall so you would seriously have to be TRYING to hear us to hear anything short of me screaming.
New job, as Sears did not pan out very well. Hell, the last week I worked there I didn't even get paid for and I am still fighting for that. I'm going to be a hostess. Granted food industry isn't exactly the most desirable of jobs, but trying to find job out here is miserable, so I am just grateful to have it.
I have a car! Kinda! Steve got a truck (ye-haw?) so I am driving the camry around. And the insurance is in both of our names so I can drive either. However, I have come to realize that giving me a vehicle that can crush others is not in anyones best interest.
Rise Against will be touring the US this summer with this awesome little band. Maybe you've heard of them, RANCID? I damn near peed myself. I will be there with a quickness! Also, no one cares, but Cold is having a reunion tour and this also makes me a happy little girl :D
And lastly, May 30th I will be invading Tampa (we'll be there before I promise) for another Square One Art Show at the Ritz in Ybor :) Just got booked and I am super stoked. It's the same crew and deal as the last show I did there, but they have had a few more since so the traffic will be even better, I can't wait!
That's all for now, more details on the second coming of Kat when I get them. (We're looking in about a month to come down just to hang out) |
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| bleah... |
[Jan. 5th, 2009|03:35 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | bruns to the wick | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | RIse Against- The Dirt Whispered | ] |
It's late, and I'm still wound up. Nothing in particular I guess, just the brain baby won't stop kicking. The employment venture has been nothing short of soul sucking. I have spent the last few weeks being jerked around and treated like a disposable retail worker surprise surprise. So I'm contemplating looking for greener pastures, yet they all seem pretty brown around here.
Christmas and New Years were good. Nothing too crazy, but it really did make me miss everyone back in Tampa and even my insane family. Darcy has more toys than any 4 year old would know what to do with.
I'm working on art work again, which always puts me in an odd mood. I just get so focused and it's like, if anything gets in my way of working on a piece, I will kill it and be a flaming bitch until I'm satisfied. Also it seems like every new piece I do is a million times more complicated and detailed than the last. So I'm a little crossed eyed.
Medical crap is still going on. I have a diagnosis now, which is good and bad I guess. There isn't a one size fits all treatment, so the next few months I am loaded with doctors appointments where at each one I will get a trial dose of lord knows what. Then I get to sit and wait to see what pharmaceutical cocktail works. I'm in phase one now, and so far, it's kinda like being pregnant. I'm super sick all the time and an emotional roller coaster. It's also looking like surgery sometime in March if my current condition doesn't improve. I am one sexy guinea pig...
The cat next to me is snoring, which is a vast improvement from Skillets current state of heat and his ritual of pissing on all of my work clothes while I'm in the shower.
Liz's birthday is in just a few weeks and I really want to go see her. I feel like shit, for being her best friend and not being able to be there when she had the baby. She was there when I had Darcy. (As much as she could be, I kind of made everyone leave as my shame was exposed for all the world to see) I just don't want it to turn into "I'll be there in a few weeks" then "Oh I can't make it" cycle.
I guess all in all, January is always kind of a weird month. From Halloween to New Years there are always a ton of things going on, so I get so focused on that, then January is when things go back to normal. It's like when you are on vacation, then go back to work. Everything just seems off and weird.
So is there anything else that you really don't care to know about that I can rant about for a while? I can tell you about the local geese and the abundance of sweet tea in my house if you'd like... Maybe share some recipes or awkward baby pictures... |
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| Miss Bean |
[Dec. 19th, 2008|05:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | silly | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Beastie Boys- Sabatoge | ] |
So miss Bean got herself in some trouble the other day... her punishment? Wearing a mustache for Steve and I's amusement.
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| can I get a woot woot? |
[Dec. 3rd, 2008|07:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | coffee shop room | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Smashing Pumpkins- Bleeding the Orchid | ] |
FINALLY got a job, Electronic sales for Sears. So maybe not the most glam job out there, but given the market out here I'm excited. Plus, employee discount on clothes, electronics, tools and all that jazz. So I'm sure once the paychecks get rolling and christmas is over, Steve and I will be raping that discount for all it's worth. They say money is the root of all evil, well evil is a wonderful thing :) |
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| motherfucking turkey... |
[Nov. 30th, 2008|03:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | da wick | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Rancid- Old Friend | ] |
So... we're sitting in the coffee shop room, planning out everything for this massive Christmas fiasco Steve has signed us up for. We're discussing food, and he mentions doing a fried turkey. (My heart clogs up a little everytime I think of it) I, being the aware and clueless girl that I am, hop on the laptop and start looking up on how to create this monstrosity of holiday dinners while Steve leaves the room. I started to read the directions and information aloud, until I looked up to find him with this massive box about the size of a mini fridge in his arms. The box thunks onto the ground and behold, a massive 42 quart(42 QUART!!!) deep fryer...
I am thinking, what person would seriously need a fryer of this size short of those families on t.v. with school buses of offspring or football teams. Seriously, I could fit Darcy in that thing. So I ask him where the hell this thing came from and why the hell he has one. According to him, there is one in every house in the south, it's comes standard. I think he is full of lies, but I have learned one thing from this whole episode... Apparently you don't mess with the south and it's love of deep frying everything that *was* good and edible. |
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| holidays part duex |
[Nov. 29th, 2008|10:42 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | bruns to the wick | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Misfits- Hybrid Moments | ] |
So at Thanksgiving dinner, Steve decided to announce that we would have Christmas at our house, the whole dinner/presents/annoying fam she bang. (Oh yeah, his fam doesn't drink so no alcohol at the bang to help me cope..) So now we're already starting to plan, as his fam is good sized and there's quite a bit of cooking and such to do. So now, the loneliness has kicked in.
This will be my first holiday away from the insane lot of the Forrester's & the Lynes clan, as well as my misfit family of friends. Even though everyone here is super nice, they aren't the fowl and loud mouthed, mildly alcoholic, and insane group I grew up with. I'm going to miss watching my aunt get drunk on wine coolers, my uncle's latest get rich quick scheme, my baby cousin with downs syndrome and her sloppy hugs, my cousin's afro, my grandmother's hand slapping and my mums half spanish bitch fests. And most of all... I will miss running away from my family to see Liz and her dad's Gomez looking facial hair.
You know.... maybe this isn't such a bad thing after all... But really, they are crazy and sometimes borderline maniacal, but it's still going to suck not being there. |
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| holidayssssss |
[Nov. 28th, 2008|08:08 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | bruns to the wick | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | silly | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Mundy- To You I Bestow | ] |
So for Turkey day we went to Steve's fam. All in all it went quite smoothly, everyone was really nice. However I did learn that mustard greens basically are spinach with too much salt in them for anybody's good. I also realized how bad I was in the kitchen when I tried to make my family coffee cake for the first time on my own, only to make something that resembled a football or a horse turd.
Bean is back :) her room turned out fucking amazing. Pink walls with polka dots on one wall, white chandelier, hardwood floors, new bed, dresser, nightstand, it's a four year old's wet dream. (I'm going to hell for saying that, but it's true)
And last, I have found the one thing I want for Christmas, since nobody is really coming through on the ice cream truck...
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| meh |
[Nov. 26th, 2008|07:36 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Brunswick | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Nine Inch Nails- The Great Below | ] |
Busy week... Bean will be coming home Friday, very grateful for that. I enjoy having weekends without her, or a night every now and then, but this has been crazy, more so being so far away. Steve and I have been wicked busy the last two days getting her room ready. Her room is wicked cute though, all pink with polka dots and feather boas, I'll put pics up when its all done.
Job hunting is a wretched sport up here, small industrial town. But I have two interviews next week, and I've got my fingers crossed one of them works out.
Wicked sick again, actually went to the hospital over the weekend. I'm not really up for details, also the internet isn't really the place for that nonsense. But I'm still wicked sick, it's pretty serious and the medicine is a bitch. I'm on two right now, and one of them makes me fucking retarded. Fabulous. But I have meds,and a doctors appointment Monday, so at least I'm getting taken care of.
Back to work now, soooo much to do in the next 48 hours... Ha! I am dizzy again! |
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